thinking place

So things have changed a lot for me, changed for the better!

Change is a funny thing. So many times I’ve had this exact feeling of ‘changing for the better’ but there always seems to be that bitter sweetness about change!

The thing with being a ‘lady of the night’ (sometimes I like to sugar-coat it for myself) is that no matter how many changes you make, how many positive steps you take or so you may think they are. there is always that nagging feeling in the back of your head of ‘money,mula,cash,wonga’ whatever you like to call it!

How do we justify putting ourself through it all again just for such a silly thing as a bit of paper?! How did it become such a strong pull?! How is it now near impossible to live on £1500 a month?!  I think back to what I was making before I started “working”, it was pennies yet I was happy?!

Why is that such a distant memory?  True happiness.

Even now when everything is on the up for me there’s still that self doubt, that toying with the idea “what if I go back just for 1day?” But it never becomes just that, it’s a slippery slope. Yet I still have it niggling away at me.

So as I finish writing this post I look to the future, wishing for that happily ever after (if it’s even a reality) and try my best to ignore the pull.

Update soon folks