16388234_847185552085932_4988471133609687400_n(photo from Natasha)

Natasha has written her first blog post.

“I am not sure how to start but ..I can tell you that I love flowers and I love all of them in the same way, there is no difference between roses and orchid. They are all beautiful.

Why can  we not be all the same? Why we have to feel different?

I wish I was treated as a flower so I can feel happy all the time….

Every time I’m out from house, I feel like people stare at me differently than other people and I’m not sure if that’s because I’m different or because I feel different. I feel like people can feel my secret, read it and see it. It is not a nice feeling at all.

Sometimes I feel unfortunate and sometimes I feel sorry for myself. I cry , and there is no one close to speak about because I’m afraid they will judge me ( family,friends ), I don’t want to disappoint them. It is really hard to talk about.

All I want, is to be seen same as any random girl who walks on the street. I don’t expect that to happen soon as this is not legalised, and people around me can take this as bad as I do something really bad. I feel guilty.

Even if this is gonna be legalised , I will still keep what I do as a secret because some people will not accept and they will judge .Is not a nice feeling, I’m living with that judge everyday but in secret.

I meet some other girls who does same as me, but they looked different than me…     Even between us is a difference, difference style, looking, thinking etc..   I wish that difference wasn’t between us as we all have the same secret and we are doing the same business.

Sometimes I feel I want to give up and to start a new life without secrets. Sometimes I feel I want to leave it all behind and go somewhere where no one knows my story so no one will look different to me on the street.

I was ready to start that new life , but always I’m back to my secret life. Girl, you have to be strong and do your dream, don’t be different, it’s not a nice feeling.   Don’t take this way, it can leave you with deep marks inside and out.

I’m thinking all time if this is gonna be legalised, some things can change in good ways but other things will change in bad ways and we still be the same .

I know one day I will wake up, looking in the mirror, looking in bed and there will be my husband and my child , no another random guy who paid to be there. That time I will know the nightmare is finished and I will see myself in the mirror different, but different in a good way….I will be HAPPY! That’s the way we should feel everyday.

If I had the chance again, I would take different way and now i would have a different life but things are more different then I thought and I am still here doing what other lady’s never “dream” about.

So if you have choices to do in your life, don’t take this one because you’ll be in my place…I’m here and is not a nice feeling…..

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